Ladies and One Gentleman (you know who you are), I have a confession to make. It's shameful for me to say that I'm not sure you should trust this review because you see... I am desperately in love with Bamonte's. Anyone who knows anything about me will tell you that I am not of this time, and Bamonte's is the closest thing any of us will ever get to the good old days. That shit is gone my friends, and it aint never ever coming back.
Just ask Diesel. He's the bartender there. He has been living in the neighborhood since the beginning of time and working at Bamonte's for 40+ years. He'll happily tell you a thing or two about this place. Plus his last name honestly has the word 'pizza' in it (honestly) and his hands are the size of Paul Bunyan’s if he was addicted to pain killers.
Every time I go to Bamonte's I make sure I waltz in, remove the scarf off my hairdo ('cause how else can a Lady protect her essence from the wind?) and declare "Daaaaahling" to my beloved Diesel who kisses my hand and automatically pours me a glass of Prosecco. The two hostesses are blond, Brooklyn, Italian and sisters who grew up on Graham Street. They really must have been something in their day, and in their imagination they haven't changed a bit.
The dark wood and maroon dining room is a long rectangle and every table comes equipped with a doorbell mounted on the wall that I assume is used to beckon your tuxedo clad waiter. (I haven't dared try it... I use to live down the street from Rao's and I know the deal. I'm far too young and pretty to get shot in the face. Plus it would cause a mob war when Diesel goes after my assailant to defend my honor.) A floor to ceiling glass wall separates the dining room and kitchen, but it took me a while to even notice. I get too distracted gazing at the painted family portraits, and the other customers. A man once stopped by the table that two of my girlfriend's and I were dining at to say: "Ladies, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed watchin' yous eat. Yous look like you was having a real good time, ya beautiful and it was a pleasure. Ciao." Normally this would have horrified me, but there's something about an old guy with a thick Brooklyn accent, who only wants to tell you you're beautiful that gets me right in the gut.
And the food... Hail Mary, the food. Now, it's probably true that I may love the ambiance so much, it somehow influences my taste buds into believing that this is the best red sauce Italian that I have ever had. But that is my final answer, and I'm okay with that.
I will say this, ordering is a little intense. There are about 20 specials and the menu itself is almost five pages long. It may help to have a little direction, and without further adieu, I give you... A list of recommendations. Enjoy!
Have the Clams Casino to start with. They are fresh clams in a delicate tomato broth topped with Canadian bacon. Son Divinos. Note: One order is probably enough, but you might want to get two anyway.
As far as salad goes, I wasn't thoroughly impressed with their Caprese. That said; it's mozzarella, tomatoes and basil. Seriously, what could be bad. However, you're better off ordering a mixed salad, which usually comes out family style. I've had at least three off the menu, and really can't tell you the difference between any of them, but they were all equally as fresh and delicious.
The wine list is full of respectable options and very reasonably priced.
Darlings, as far as Entrees go, I don't think you can really go wrong. If you're feeling frisky, then put a blindfold on and pick whatever your finger happens to land on. I've tried, the stuffed flounder, the Ravioli (which you should know are the thickest Ravioli I've ever seen in my life, just be prepared.) The Veal Parmigiana, The Linguine with Crab Sauce (Might actually be my favorite,) and last but certainly not least: The Pork Chops with a mix of sweet and spicy peppers. It was slightly over cooked, but perfectly seasoned and vinegary to the point of ecstasy.
The Tiramisu is not the best I have had but it's definitely top five. The Cannoli... Is amazing and dangerous. They also come by with a bottle of Sambuca and leave it on the table during dessert, and have been known to offer a complimentary digestif of Frangelico or Limoncello. (I'm not sure if this is always the case, I think I may now be considered a "regular".)
All I'm saying is if at age 73, I end up sitting in a stool at the bar in Bamonte's eating Clams Casino, drinking free Limoncello, and wearing diamonds then I had a good run. All I'm also saying is, you should go there.
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