the holidays

it's the little things.

i wear a beret

the 5

If The 6 is for dicks

And The 4 is for whores

Then what's The 5 for?

Where does The 5 go?

rocket queen

it hurts me too

the L

You know what The L?

I'll see you in hell.

the G

Fuck you The G

You are so dead to me

Stop four times for Queens

While I freeze in my jeans

It is clear that you do this on purpose

i am not of this time

back door man

completely inappropriate

the renaissance

rip

(now click on this)

(if you didn't click, you wont get it)

review

August

West Village

An influx of medieval hodge podge (and possibly made up) spices piled together in what appears to be a culinary walk of shame.  A Scullery Maid and Merlon's, illegitimate redheaded child (all growns up) and lost in the woods, seeking shelter in an apocathery's abandoned greenhouse.

 

The meat I tried to eat was called Goat Leg. It was accompanied by mystery greens and a viscid little ball they referred to as Dumplings.  The Oxtail Ragu seemed as though it was sauteed in said Scullery Maid's preserved placenta.  And please, don't even ask about the spaghetti squash and chorizo sudoku puzzle they call Camarones a la Parilla. (Added Bonus: Black garlic and squid ink dipping sauce.  ?.)  But don't worry, they lend you a couple crawdads whose beady little eyes gaze upon you while you eat.  As if to say "You will sit at this table until everything on your plate is finished, or I'm telling your father". 

 

Strong points? The wine was good, and ordered by a dashing and brilliant young man. AND if you move the table around enough, it will stop wobbling.

 

Cheers.

read this

sing it

home

amish

deep red bells

Deep Red Bells

Who led you to this hiding place 

These lightning thread-spun silver tunnels 

The red bells beckon you to ride 

A handprint on the drivers side 

It looks a lot like engine oil 

And tastes like being poor and small 

And popsicles in summer 

It always has to come this 

The red bells ring this tragic hour 

We've lost sight of the overpass 

The daylight wont remember that 

No speckled fawns raise round your bones 

Who took the time to fold your clothes 

And shook the valley of the shadow 

Where does this mean world cast its cold eye? 

Whos left to suffer long about you? 

Does your soul cast about like an old paper bag 

Past empty lots and early graves 

Of those like you who lost their way 

Murdered on the interstate 

While the red bells rang like thunder?

holidays

portrait

truth

"Trust not your heart nor your head, but your gut."

allen

"Allen"

I was thinking about how sick I was of the white walls in my living room the whole ride home from work on the subway. My Grandfather owned a painting business and somehow, I believe this makes me a superior painter. So, I got off at Lorimer and went to Klenosky Paint Shop to buy 'Barren Plain' in a flat finish. ('Barren Plain' is my 'Sig-nah-chuh Kuh-luh'). I walked all the way to Bushwick and Grand carrying two, gallon paint cans. I got home, thanked the Lord, and started taping off the molding.

Luckily my friend Katie called and I convinced her to come over using wine as my lure. Soon my living room was a disaster and we were deep into paint mode. With the inspiring and invigorating musical stylings of Bon Iver pressing us on we decided to paint my bedroom as well. Unfortunately 'Barren Plain' doesn't look the same when painted over 'Shit Eggshell Brown' in a room with no windows. After 30 minutes we were exhausted. We collectively decided to abort mission and concentrate solely on the living room. And then (as usual) I had a fantastic idea.

I called Allen for "Ukulele Lessons". Allen arrived within five minutes of my phone call. (Ever since I read him the poem I wrote for him, I feel as though I get special treatment). Allen was not at all surprised at the state of my living room. The last time he had come over I was making a cape, and the time before that I was having a party. So I'm pretty sure by now, he knows what type of stoner I am.

Allen unloaded his bag of tricks, and I continued the improvement of my home. My Father works in construction and somehow, I believe this makes me a superior home improver. I had installed dimmers in most all the light boxes all by my lonesome. Now that the walls were painted, I was ready to relish in my accomplishments and put the 'face plate on the cake', if you will. As Allen was saying that he watched me walk to the Subway while I was on a date; there was a spark, a zapping sound and I accidently broke my apartment. NOTE: You not only have to turn the electricity off to connect the wires when replacing the light switches with dimmers, but you must also do this when putting the 'face plate on the cake'.

After I screamed, Allen said "Shank what happened?", (Allen calls me 'Shank', and that's another story). I then called Ryan (my downstairs neighbor) because he is a man, and I believed he could fix my apartment. He couldn't, so it seemed I would have to wait until the morning to find out what I had done. Luckily I have a fireplace and candles. Allen rolled us a sympathetic and generous joint, which we smoked in jest.

I then heard a soft voice coming from the door and realized that my roommate had been home the entire time. She was very upset with me. Initially becuase I broke the apartment, but primarily because she could smell the weed and as a devout Catholic was involuntarily sinning. I apologized for taking her weed virginity without her consent. With the closing of the door Katie, Allen and I bursted into a fit of uncomfortable, and uncontrollable laughter. And I'm pretty sure my roommate heard us, loud and clear. Ah, middle age.

dynasty

dinner

math

+

=

stars

"She can develop others' ideas, while they hesitate - she never does: she presses on."

ask somebody

home

genetics

Arrurrú mi niña.

Cabeza de ayote; 

Si no te dormís, 

Te come, el coyote.

r i p

truth

"My life has been a series of emergencies"

-Lana Turner

dad

Home Run.

maybe

call bullshit

allen

"Allen"

O' Allen, how happy thou hast made me. 

How did I live without thy visit? 

How do you shine such herb, consistant? 

How doth the time escape in distance? 

Come home soon, please come home.

r i p

mae west

"An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises."

poem

There be none of Beauty's Daughters; 

With a magic like thee.

And like music on the waters,

Is thy sweet voice to me.

drink this

Zinfandel adds a juicy character, 

Merlot mellows and Cabernet adds backbone. 

Forward, spicy and soft, 

this delicious dalliance makes the perfect trio.

"miss beatnik" contestants, 1959

the band

it's my birthday.

allen

"Allen"

The other day I had to ask this man named Allen for "Ukulele Lessons" in order for him to deliver some weed to me, and my friends. I was throwing an impromptu party at my new apartment and was delighted to ask Ryan (my downstairs neighbor) for advice. He gave me the phone number of his roommate 'Kenny', whom I called immediately. I left a message on the voicemail of the number that 'Kenny' had texted me. I proceeded to laugh hysterically and declare my serious need for ukulele lessons. I then left my phone number. 'Kenny' promptly texted me back, informing me that the first number was in fact wrong, and that he was sorry. He sent me Allen's real number, however it was too late. I handed over the weed duties to my friends, Leila and Anthony, who are clearly way more equipped at being cool during drug deals, than I.

doyle brunson

"As far as poker goes, I really didn't play poker but a few times in high school."

i'm going to hell

day trip

sing it

choose

acrobat

I already tried all that.

watch this... again

read this

Jimmy, the Hideous Penguin Boy

"My name is Jimmy,

but my friends just call me
'the hideous penguin boy.'"

earl greyhound

raines law room